Creating a new home together

 So here is the picture, you have gotten divorced met someone new and you make the decision to move in with one another.  Sounds perfect right?  There is a catch.  Chances are when you move in with someone who also just got divorced you will be moving into a home that that person had previously shared with their ex partner.  To some people this may not be a hurdle at all, they may be able to move in and be happy and comfortable and that is the end of it.  This was not my experience. 

Before I had moved in I had painted the entire house, not because I wanted it all changed, but because the previous person who lived there had prepped the walls to be painted but never got around to painting it.  The entire house was drywall patches, when I say the entire house I mean the entire house.  I had not planned on painting everything but circumstance came up where I was here for a week with no kids, my spouse was working and I needed a distraction, so I bought paint.  I spent hours from the time I woke up to two or three in the morning I painted.  It gave the entire house a life.  From a light brown color with patches I changed it to a very light white grey color. 

That small change made my partner feel like the house was more of a home.  Once I moved in I looked around at the house and I felt old memories.  I felt like I had just stepped into someone else's life.  The more I looked around the worse I let it get into my head.  I was living in the dead dreams of someone else.  I needed to make some changes.  Not just physical changes inside of the house, but mental changes in myself.  Learning to let go of the past and look forward to what this house will be to us.  This is our home.  This is the place where our kids will grow up together, make so many memories, and keep us all safe.  This is what I mostly needed to focus on, but I also needed to make the house my own. 

I started small, with the walls repainted it made me look around to what was missing, our stair railing was white, I changed it to black.  I painted one wall black and added a western twist.  I had hung the cowhide my spouse had on the wall to give it a pop.  That change already made it feel more like home.  

The house was very nice when I moved in, it was a very cute farm house vibe.  While I loved it, I more enjoy a western vibe in my home.  So I slowly started changing the decor out, and adding my own things.  This to me I think had been more a mental process than anything.  I needed to get out of that mindset that this was someone else's place.  I needed to pull my mind into, this is "OUR" house now.  These are our memoires, and our future that is happening here.  Some days I still find it a struggle but now most days I am so happy. I am happy to be with someone who supports every crazy idea I come up with and turns it into a reality for me.  

We sat up together and drew out our home, how we both see it and slowly have begun making it a reality.  The kitchen I felt was very dull, it was very farmhouse style, white and grey, I felt it was missing some color.  This started my biggest project yet, that is still in progress.  I decided I very much wanted to paint the island a deep blue color to make it pop.  The problem was once I painted it, while I was crazy in love with the paint, it made the countertops stand out and look yellow.  Here enters my hero, my spouse is so creative, he showed me the countertops he could make for us, in a dark wood stain and I fell in love all over again!  I continued the painting finishing up all the color in the kitchen I wanted, now I wait for the counters to be finished.  I will attach some photos in here of the progress, keep in mind the counters will be changed, keep following this blog to see the changes being slowly made.  

Most days now I find myself really pushing out of the "poor me" mindset and pushing forward.  Creating the home I have always dreamed of for us to grow in.  I found in this situation you really have to trust your partner.  When they tell you that they never liked their house before it never felt like home, believe them.  They are not trying to spare your feelings.  They are trying to tell you that the love they feel for you and what you bring into the house, is what makes it feel like a home.  There is no past memories floating around, only excitement for the future.  It comes down to the love you share between you.  That is what makes it special, not paint, not things, just how you feel about one another.  Take it and run with it. Create a space you both love.