The start

 Today is a little bit of a heavy blog.  It is something that has been weighing heavily on me lately, and this seems to be my outlet to let things out.  I find the more I type it out the more I feel it and begin to understand it.  Lets talk anger.  Anger is a complex emotion that everyone tells you, let go.  Let it go and it will feel so much better and give you the relief you have been searching for.  For me personally I thought I had let go of this anger years ago.  Turns out I didn't let it go, I pushed it down and now its surfacing like crazy.  I have gone back and forth on if I should write this for people to read, but I thought I wonder how many people out there are in similar situations and are struggling as well?  So I guess lets get into it.      If you read along with this blog you know I separated from my husband in 2022.  This circumstances around it are all in here previous so I won't go into great detail...

      I have not wrote any blogs in awhile and its because our life has been a crazy whirlwind lately.  Our yard and lives have literally been torn up and tossed around all because we love our little family and will do anything for it.  Let's get into it.          This all started a few years ago when we got the information that my spouses father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  My spouse was worried about them being so far away, so I chimed in, why can't we move their house to our yard?  I think this took him by surprise.  He looked at me baffled, "You would be ok with that?"  ..... Why on earth would I not be okay with that?  That is what you do for family.  Your parents raised you, they put off their own stuff in life to make sure you had everything you needed, and still do.  It is the very least we can do to return the favor.  So, other family members were called plans were made and h...

 I can't even begin to count how many times I have tried to create my serenity place.  You know, that perfect spot that just makes you feel calm and relaxed.  Life seems to be moving so fast, and it can be so stressful we all crave that place of peace.  My life has been a rocky road, with lots of ups and downs and I really have never found that place that just takes it all away. Until now.   I remember when we bought our first home, cute small house in a cute small town.  Life seemed full of excitement.  The plans I had, the things I was going to do to make this place my dream.  I started house renovations, while I loved making the space my own, it came with stress and anxiety at the same time.  We were running on limited funds, and let's face it, projects cost.  They cost more than money, they cost the time, the dedication and you have to be on the same page.  Every step ahead, I just found myself wanting more, something else...

  So this is a bit of a different post, more of a rant I suppose.  As you all know my oldest son is big into rodeo.  This year he decided to join the Canadian pro circuit, and is doing well, he is sitting 9th overall in the Jr. Steer riding.  If you do not follow rodeo, this is a huge accomplishment.  He is competing against kids from all across Canada.  So it is safe to say, with him I am raising a rodeo kid.  Rodeo kids are just a different breed.  They are hard headed, dedicated and passionate about what they do.  Due to his new schedule of chasing the pro rodeos, the last few months of school he has had to miss a day or sometimes two every week.  My son does not struggle with school, he is smart.  His grades are good, learning the materials is not what is hard for him, what is hard for him is the format that they learn.  Some kids just are not built to sit in a classroom for that long every day.  I am not saying school...

 I have been pretty quiet about this unless you are inside my inner circle, but this has gotten out of control and I am ready to put this out there for everyone to read, especially that special someone that is doing this to me.  I met my current spouse around the end of January 2023.  We met through a dating app, and never thought it would amount to much due to the distance.  Little did we know it was the beginning of something amazing.  We were four hours apart, but talked every single night for hours on the phone, messaged each other daily and it just bloomed.  We eventually met in March 2023 in person and the rest is history.  We now live happily together making our dream life a reality.  I would not change this for the world, I feel I truly met the person made for me.  Things are not always so fairytale.  Lets get into it, when did the stalking begin and when did it end.   The end of March 2023, early April I came to where ...

 Life is continually moving, it never slows down or speeds up, its moving on at the same pace but I find myself feeling like it is moving so fast lately.  When your kids are little, time seems to move so slow.  I found myself thinking, Oh I can not wait until the next stage, I can't wait until they can walk, or they can talk.  I couldn't wait to watch them go to school make friends, start playing sports.  You want the world for them and you just seem to be in a hurry to see it.  Then the next second it seems they have grown up and those days at home with your littles is over, and you long for those days back.  You miss snuggling that baby, listening to them sleep, watching their little faces experience the world.  You blink and it's gone.  You never again will hold that small child in your arm again.   I read a quote once that really brought me to tears, while I do not remember exactly how it went it was something like:  There ...