Finding your serenity after tragedy

 I can't even begin to count how many times I have tried to create my serenity place.  You know, that perfect spot that just makes you feel calm and relaxed.  Life seems to be moving so fast, and it can be so stressful we all crave that place of peace.  My life has been a rocky road, with lots of ups and downs and I really have never found that place that just takes it all away. Until now.  

I remember when we bought our first home, cute small house in a cute small town.  Life seemed full of excitement.  The plans I had, the things I was going to do to make this place my dream.  I started house renovations, while I loved making the space my own, it came with stress and anxiety at the same time.  We were running on limited funds, and let's face it, projects cost.  They cost more than money, they cost the time, the dedication and you have to be on the same page.  Every step ahead, I just found myself wanting more, something else  something more.  It never truly felt like this is complete.  

We ended up renting a acreage outside of the same town, and when you're renting, its not yours to make your own.  There was little things I could do in the yard, to make it feel like my own space.  I had always dreamed of creating that perfect space.  I cleaned out an old shed and turned it into a chicken coop, we had ducks, chicks and 2 mini pigs.  The little animals I dreamed of having, that turned into a nightmare.

  The little mini coop that I had the chicks in lit on fire.  It was gone in a matter on minutes.  All my animals, my hard work, gone.  I cried for weeks over it.  While I know it could have been much worse, I still felt like an absolute failure.  I think I like animals more than people.  I was sick to my stomach that I couldn't save them.  

I was sitting at the table doing my online course when I got a phone call, "Do you know your shed is on fire?"

 The answer was no.

  I ran out there as fast as my legs would take me.  The flames were shooting out of the top of the big coop, I ran under this wall of flames in the outdoor section of the pen, desperately trying to see if any animals had made it outside before the heat got to them.  I could feel the heat over me.  It almost takes your breath away just how hot it is.  I found my pigs at the front of their outside entrance, already gone.  Tears were rolling down my face, I was crying uncontrollably, looking around for the ducks.  Nothing.  It then came clear they were inside.  My heart sank, I stepped back and looked up, the flames were flying right over my head in a swirling motion into the trees beside the coop.  That's when it clicked, oh my god this isn't safe.  Right at that moment it seemed to click just how hot it was where I was standing.  I ran back to the house and called my mom at work.  (The fire department wad already on route)  

The secretary there answered, I don't think I even let her finish her greeting, and I basically yelled into the phone I need Georgina now! She quickly transferred me to her.  Looking back now I wish I was able to stay calm and talk clearly, but at that point I couldn't.  She answered the phone and the words came flying out " They are dead, they are all dead."  As you can imagine without knowing the situation, that's quite the phone call to get.  She calmed me down and I was able to explain that there's a fire, my animals are all dead.  I couldn't stop the tears.  She left work and rushed out to me, with another amazing family friend who was also at work at the time.  They managed to get me calmed down. Its incredible to have family and friends like that.  They drop everything to be there with you. 

Now by this point, one fire truck and showed up, with a single fire fighter.  We live in a small town, with a volunteer department.  They can take some time to answer calls if they aren't close.  My heart was in over drive, how can one man stop this.  It was a very windy day the flames were spreading faster than he could get the hoses out and going. 

Then a man from town driving by slammed on his breaks and pulled in and began helping put out the fire.  Soon the entire yard was full of people, not just fire department, but friends, neighbors, people who live in town and don't even know who I am.  They stopped to help. We had the neighboring towns fire department come, as well as a farmer with a semi with a tank full of water on behind him.  I will never forget just how much help and support same.  I am ever grateful to each and every one of them.  I was helpless as I watched my hard work burn down infront of me.

  This incident was hard on me.  I stopped dreaming of my serenity, of my little yard with my garden and my animals.  This is the point where I gave up.  The fact is I gave up for years after that.  I didn't want any more animals, I had failed the ones I had and it crushed me.  

Fast forward to this past year moving to a new town and a new acreage.  It has been years now since the fire, and I started to get the itch again.  I was ready to try again for my little serenity I craved.  With the support from the most amazing man, he has helped my dreams come true.  He has been the calm in my nervous anxiety whirlwind.  In the past everything I seemed to be feeling good about things something awful happened.  I was terrified to try again and have it all crumble around me.  The stress I put on this poor man by being so afraid to try new things, or have new animals, but he pushed me to try. 

I am so proud to say, I have found it.  I have found my happy place, my serenity and found my hope again.  He helped me create chicken coops, the most beautiful little garden patch, and perfect kid friendly yard.  Every day I find the joy in working on things, adding little touches here and there continually adding to our little perfect place. This little story may not seem like much, but to me its the world.  Its not just creating a space, its lifting me up, bringing my smile back, my spark if you will.  Realizing there is good and bad, its all how you handle it.  The bad times will come again, things will happen beyond our control, but if you have the right support you can get through anything.  

So while you look at these photos and think it's just yard work, or just animals. To me it's so much more than that.  It's my serenity, my peace and most of all my healing.  I will be forever grateful to this man for helping me find it.