Parent Burn Out and stress.

Are parents allowed to say they are burnt out?  Is this a thing?  This is the time of year for me I seem to feel it the most.  I am tired.  I am here wearing clothes I have had for years, some bras are literally on their last threads, while my kids are sporting new hockey sticks and gear.   I want the world for my kids and I do everything in my power to give it to them, or help them get there.  It just adds up, we go from football, to hockey, to rodeo and baseball.  There is not stop in-between the sports in this house.  It is a year round cycle.  Now now I know what you are saying as you read this.  If you can't handle it, stop the sports.  Here's the thing, I can complain, I can be tired but that is one thing I won't do.  I will not take this from their childhood so my life can be a little less hectic.  When we have kids its kind of this invisible contact.  You are there to support them, to be their everything until they are able to go out on their own.  You sacrifice your needs for theirs.  People don't like to say it like that but it is true.  Ask two people the same age one who has a family and one who doesn't ask them the differences in their life.  I bet you one travels, they go to things that interest them, they make weekend plans, they work hard and save up their money.  Ask the one who has a family, they save what they can and they plan their "vacations" around sports schedules.  Their friend group now consists of parents of the kids they play with.  Now I am not complaining about this life, its just that it is different than if you didn't have kids right?  So when is it okay to just be a tiny bit selfish and say I would just life a tiny bit of time for myself?

Now I am not saying my kids run wild sure lets do any activity you want to try.  No.  We limited to two sports each.  You can choose two extra sports throughout the year and that is it.  That works for us, but having six boys in the home, it is still a lot.  A LOT.  I knew this coming into parenthood, I was excited for this, this is what I signed up for.  What I did not sign up for was doing it alone.  I am not saying I am a single mom doing this all by myself, that is not true.  I have the most amazing partner in life making this dream happen for me.  What I am saying is that when you have kids, there is two of you entering into this invisible contract.  You have two of you to create income, be available to drive, coach, cheer, or whatever they need.  This is what you picture it as.  I did not picture this as me having to try and manage this alone.  

    

    Living where we are now there is two of us, but instead me raising my four boys and Ryan raising his two.  Together we are raising six, on one income.  Neither of us thought this was what the future was going to be when we first had kids.  We didn't expect to be basically holding three households into one.  Yes I say three and I will break that down here for you.  His boys share time between our house and their moms house 50/50 and Ryan pays child support to their mom.  Now there is a huge amount of our monthly income going into a different household.  Before you attack me about child support, I am not angry about this nor do I disagree with it.  When homes break up sometimes the other home needs a little help and that is ok.  Ryan is comfortable with this to, those are his kids and he will always support their needs, no issue.  The issue I have with child support is not that it's there, it is that the way it is all calculated.  In Canada both parents pay child support when it's 50/50 and so the higher income subtracts the amount the lower income is supposed to pay and that is what you pay is the difference.  Again no disagreement there for me.  The part I don't like is how they calculate it, they take your income from the year BEFORE taxes.  That is the part that upsets me about that.  The amount before taxes is not what comes into our household at all, what comes into our household is significantly less than that amount.  So my issue is that we have to pay into another household using money we do not actually receive.  

    So, there is a breakdown on household number one, now lets breakdown household two and three.  In my case the boys dad does not pay child support, or as of right now he has not helped with any sports, school or extra fees for the boys.  So Ryan is now paying 100% for kids that he didn't create.  That is household two.  Now Ryan has no problem with this, he knew this coming into this relationship, is it hard at times?  Yes.  Does it make him not want to do it? No.  He is in this 100% even though these fees shouldn't have to be on his dime.  Household three would be us.  Where we pay for everything else, groceries, fuel, school fees, sports fees, extra things and events the whole deal.  We handle it all 100% for the boys in the house.  Three households all wrapped into one and put on the shoulders of one person.  If you have read along with the blog you know that I am now not working to be able to handle the house and kids schedules.  This is what works best for us right now, and sometimes I find myself feeling horrible for this, but honestly if you broke down what a stay at home mom does into a salary wage it is unbelievable the value of a stay at home mom.   I know Ryan is feeling the burn out to, this time of year it just seems to add up for us.  

    We are coming to the end of hockey season which means playoffs, every weekend busy and Rodeo coming up next month.  This is the time I look around my house and see the laundry piled up, the dust on the shelves, and closets that desperately need to be gone through and organized and I tell myself, once things slow down.  If someone could tell me when this slow down will happen that would be great!  Rodeo coming up means sending out sponsorship letters, stressing on how to start financial planning for a heavy load of fees coming up.  This means, baseball season is coming, so we need to make sure we have afterschool time free and schedules lined up.  This means more fundraising and bugging our friends and family.  It's just a high stress time for me.  I start feeling this burn out and just want to crawl into bed for three days and not come out.  So instead here I am writing wondering if any other parents out there sometimes feel the same way?  Is there some ways to better cope with this stress?  Can you please let me know! This isn't a post saying oh god I wish I didn't have kids, nope I wouldn't do life any other way I love our life, and the life we are creating for our kids and the opportunities we are giving them.  This is a post, just to release some of these feelings and find some other parents out there sometimes feeling the same way.  I think it's ok to be selfish every once in awhile and just take a breath and do something for you.  I am in the process of trying to figure out what exactly that might mean, but I feel like it is important to take care of yourself along with taking care of your kids.