People hear the term “co-parenting” and picture teamwork. Shared responsibility. Communication. Equal effort. Two parents continuing to put their children first, even after the relationship ends.
But sometimes… it isn’t co-parenting at all.
Sometimes it’s one parent carrying the entire mental load, financial load, emotional load, scheduling load, and responsibility for the children — while the other parent drifts in and out around the edges when it’s convenient.
We split in 2022. It’s now 2026, and in four years, I have received no financial help toward raising our children.
No help with sports. No help with school fees. No help with fuel, travel, hotels, fundraising, practices, equipment, or the endless hidden costs that come with raising active kids.
At the beginning, I tried to keep things fair and simple. I didn’t ask for everything. I simply asked if he could cover half of sports and school fees. He agreed.
But agreement means nothing without action.
Every time a new fee comes up, every new season, every rodeo entry, every registration — I send the message. And every time, I’m met with silence.
Meanwhile, the unpaid balance continues to grow. Thousands of dollars behind now, and honestly, for multiple years of raising children involved in sports and rodeo, that number is still incredibly low compared to what these activities actually cost.
Rodeo weekends alone can cost close to $2,000 between fuel, hotels, hauling, food, entries, and everything in between. All I ever asked him to contribute was half of a $60 entry fee.
That’s the reality people don’t see.
They don’t see the parent juggling schedules, organizing equipment, paying registration fees, attending practices, fundraising, managing school life, traveling endlessly, and making sure the kids never feel the weight of adult problems.
They just see the social media posts. The proud captions. The shared photos. The “dad of the year” image.
And listen — I’m glad he’s proud of them. He should be. Our kids are incredible.
But there is something painful about watching someone publicly celebrate accomplishments they privately contributed nothing toward.
Because children do not succeed because someone posted about them online.
They succeed because somebody showed up for them over and over again — financially, emotionally, physically, and consistently — even when it was exhausting, expensive, stressful, inconvenient, and thankless.
Real parenting happens in the quiet places nobody claps for.
It’s the driving. The budgeting. The sacrificing. The emotional support. The consistency. The showing up.
And despite all of it, I am proud of the life my children have. I am proud of every accomplishment they achieve. I am grateful to have a partner who supports me being home with the kids as much as I am, because that allows me to be there for the practices, travel, school events, rodeos, and all the little moments that make up childhood.
A non-existent co-parent will never stop me from giving my kids the best life I possibly can.
But that does not erase the frustration.
Because the truth is, I never wanted to do this alone.
I wanted healthy co-parenting. I wanted teamwork. I wanted effort from both sides. I wanted the kids to feel equally supported by both parents.
These years are short. Childhood is short. Sports are short. One day the practices, rodeos, tournaments, and school events will all be over.
And I genuinely cannot understand how someone can be okay missing it.
Why would you not want to help? Why would you not want to show up? Why would you not want to be part of building the life your children are living?
Because kids remember who was there.
Who drove them. Who sacrificed for them. Who helped them succeed. Who consistently showed up.
And maybe that’s where the frustration truly comes from.
Not because I can’t handle it. Not because I need saving.
But because the kids deserved more effort than silence.
Comments
Post a Comment